One thing I won’t miss…

One thing I won’t miss when all of this is over with and I’m back down to a reasonable weight is the snickering. There are a lot of kids at the place that I work and they laugh and point and stare at me all the time. Probably 2 times a week a kid would say something to me and I’d get really down and go to Taco Bell or something.

Not anymore. They still snicker, one just said “Look how big his feet are he is gross”. Yeah. Sadly that kid was well on his way to being fat when he grows up. I don’t envy him. And I don’t hold a grudge – he is just a kid and he is right – I’m built like an Ogre now.

Not for too much longer though.

540

Lost this post the first time. The way WordPress.com handles linking in the backend editor is god awful. A month ago I probably would have gotten pissed and eaten a sandwich or something. Not today.

So this is the way the numbers are supposed to go. 2 pounds so far, plus whatever I lost when I wasn’t weighing. I know it’ll be a while before I notice anything other than my increased energy. According to FitDay I’m at about 2000 calories a day right now. I read the story about the Subway Guy. Thinking a lot about cutting back even further, I’ve been doing fine at my current level of intake and I think I could push it a bit further. Thinking maybe I should replace a meal with a meal replacement shake or something. My current meal schedule looks something like this:

8AM – Orange or Apple and a Bottle of Water. Maybe some plain Cheerios in 1% milk if I’m really hungry.
10AM – Small portion of leftovers from previous Nights dinner. Diet Soda.
12:30PM – Turkey sandwich, Diet Soda.
3:30PM – Sugar Free Jell-o Pudding and an Apple or Orange.
6:00PM – Normal Meal.
Late Night Snack – A couple rice cakes if I’m hungry.

All the while I drink a lot of water. Bottles and bottles. One of the more positive things about all of this is I feel more motivated to take out the recycling now, which means fewer bottles falling out the top of the can. Hopefullly.

541

I wonder when the best time is to weigh myself. I suppose I need to weigh myself at the same time everyday to get any kind of real picture of loss. I’m sure going from 542 to 541 is in the margin of error but, thats ok. Didn’t get a chance to ride the bike on account of a busy morning so that means I’ll have to ride it twice as long after work.

Trying to find a good Fatblogging community site if there is one. Any suggestions?

542

542 Pounds.

I know exactly how I got here.

It was all those late night trips to Wawa. 3AM and I’m still playing a video game and I’m kind of feeling sad or frustrated so I drive to Wawa to fill my stomach with 20 minutes of happiness.

Meatball sandwich. Classic Roll. Extra American cheese. Large side of Macaroni and cheese. Pint of Ben & Jerry’s for desert and 2-3 Diet Mountain Dews to wash it down with. Because, you know, when you’re consuming 2500 calories in a single sitting, the Diet Soda makes it ok.

I’m such an idiot. I’m so angry at my self for doing this. Sure, I was sad over a girl. I was sad I didn’t do well in college. I was sad about a lot of things. But I had so much. I only weighed like 275 at that point. I was within 50 pounds of 225, the weight I was happiest at.

In high school, back at 225, I played football and did Track & Field (Field, really). I could run up and down the bleachers, I could do sprints.

Now I have to buy a scale they could weigh a horse on just to get a grip on what a massive fatass I’ve become.

I’m sorry that I sound so negative. I cried in front of my father. I was just so sad about this.

I bought this scale to keep track of how well I was doing. I gave up on fast food on February 22nd. I gave my father my credit and debit cards. I only ate home made food. I started to exercise on my Schwinn 230 Exercise Bike. Started at 5 minutes, now I’m up to 15. Today was the first day I tracked my calories over at FitDay. 1871 in case you are wondering. I read this guide to dieting that was recommended to me the other day. According to it I need more calories from protein.

Anyway, so today I was going to see where I was at. I was thinking 400. Maybe 425 on the outside.

542. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. And work. And go back to school. While still having any sense of joy in my life.

But I have to try, I don’t want to die.

Why is this named One Last Sandwich? Because of all the other times I thought I wanted to die, I would have one “final sandwich”. It was never the last one.

I didn’t this time.